Peter and the Straw

From Peter and the Straw’s (Unisex) bathroom

Birmingham, AL. We’re still going to classify this as a Hipster restaurant and yes that’s a type of cuisine, almost an ethnicity. We’re not going to use the term Caucasian, though it’s funny and sad that that term came to be conflated with whiteness, specifically Ango-American people. Let’s define some terms:

Caucasian, adj. – relating to the Caucasus.

We went with the second definition because it’s really untrue to call most white people Caucasian (see the unfortunate first definition). First off, the Caucasus region, mountains, etc. are well into Asia, situated on the eastern shore of the Black Sea, so unless you trace your lineage to one of these countries, you’re not Caucasian (if you really want to get into it, Eugenicists started using this word; they also used “Mongoloid”, yikes!):

Russian (specifically the North Caucasus republics like Dağistan and Chechniya), Georgia, Azerbaijan, Armenia

If you identify as Caucasian and you’re not from one of the above countries, you’re probably just white. And you’re probably what we’re going to call Ango-American. What does this have to do with food, and specifically with Peter and the Straw?

Lots of genres of food are actually ethnicities: Chinese, Mexican, French.

Some are poorly defined regions or euphemisms that hide the true origins of the food: Middle Eastern, Mediterranean, Asian.

Some are usually terrible: Family restaurants, Fusion, hahaha, just kidding.

Then you have things that are meals, real or imagined: brunch, breakfast, late-night, linner (no one says linner).

We also have: New American, American, Southern, Cajun/Creole.

What we’re getting at is Hipster is an ethnicity.

Ethnicity, n – the fact or state of belonging to a social group that has a common national or cultural tradition.

This word comes from the Greek έθνος (ethnos) which means nation. So it’s not a dirty word that you can only say in a racially homogenized group of Ango-Americans.

Ethnic, adj. – you can guess what the true definition of ethnic is from the noun, of or relating to an ethnicity. But what about when you use or hear the words Ethnic Food? With any word or phrase, there is the “dictionary definition”, also called the “actual definition” or just “the definition”. Then there’s usage, which is what Urban Dictionary and also humans define. It’s how words are actually used.

Ethnic Food, n. – food relating to an ethnicity. Usage: Food that comes from a particular nation that is not America or Western Europe, especially countries with brown or black people. It’s kind of racist, because Norwegian food is technically Ethnic Food, but Norwegians are not, in general black or brown, so we’d politely call it Scandinavian.

Fusion, n. – Ok, there’s actually nothing wrong with food that’s called “fusion” because, guess what? All cuisines are a fusion. Guess who never had the tomato before the Spanish conquest of the Americas? That’s right, Italy! Also, India and everywhere else that’s not North or South America. So Italian is really Italian-Mexican-Chinese food! Why Chinese? They got the noodle from China via Marco Polo. Whoa! So Spaghetti Bolognese is fusion? Yep. Indian food didn’t have the chile until it was introduced to them by Portuguese traders. And the Portuguese got the chile from…Mexico! So Indian food is a fusion. You name the cuisine or the dish, and it’s probably a mixture of indigenous and introduced ingredients. What’s more interesting is finding the few dishes that aren’t a fusion. We’re on the lookout, so add those to the comments. We might try and refute ya though!

Cuisine, n. – Let’s get back on track. This is an amazingly useful word when talking about food. Yes, this is part of the definition. This word hypes itself! Here’s the real definition:

a style or method of cooking, especially as characteristic of a particular country, region, or establishment.

This is the word “genre” but for food. Can one establishment really create its own cuisine? I think Citizens United says yes!

Hipster, n. – a person who follows the latest trends and fashions, especially those regarded as being outside the cultural mainstream.

The etymology is interesting and if you believe this article (we do), it’s been appropriated and been drained of all color and meaning. It used to mean someone “in the know” and I can’t think of anyone more out of touch than those smacked with this hideous label. We have been accused of this slander and it’s an open question.

For now, we’re treating this as a culture with 21st century telltale signs, kind of a “you know it when you see it” unless you are one, and then you’re the last to admit it, which is why the open question.

It may not be an ethnicity (outside of Brooklyn), but it is an international phenomenon. Why this “meme” went “viral” is for bored anthropologists of the future to figure out. We don’t really care about that because, for the moment, we’re focused on food and photography (what’s left of it).

Hispanic, adj. – This is going to come in when we start talking about Mexican and Latin American food (i.e. other Mexican countries). This means, “of or relating to Spain or a country methodically and ruthlessly colonized by Spain.” We don’t think it’s a very useful word because it groups together a bunch of different people and countries, making them seem more similar than they are. Kind of like “Latin American Food.” I was shocked at the blandness of Colombian food (relative to Mexican food, don’t get offended, it was delicious), but that’s because I assumed their “foodways” were similar. Respect differences, and if you know the country or the “ethnicity”, use it! Mexican is not an insult! If you know it’s from Honduras, call it Honduran! I don’t know if it’s quite as strong as the Chinese/Japanese dichotomy, or if there’s really that level of enmity (neither of us is Hispanic/Latin American/First People of the Americas, etc. so you educate us!)

Race, n. – a grouping of humans based on shared physical or social qualities into categories generally viewed as distinct by society.

Wait, there’s ethnicity and theirs race? Plus the word Hispanic?! The way it makes sense to me is that “ethnicity” deals with where you’re from (city/country/region) and race is how people classify you from your physical and cultural attributes or how you classify yourself, but it seems often imposed by the outside.

This can answer many stupid questions people pose to the Ango-American thin air, such as:

Q. Why do African-Americans always change what we call them?

Thought: We’re not going to answer for them because neither of us have African ancestry. But we have thoughts. It’s probably because they lost their ethnicity (the cultural remembrances of where African Americans were stolen from are tragically lost) and the names Anglo-America called them always became or started out as pejorative.

Q. When I say “Mexican” or “Black”, should I whisper?

Thought: Are you about to say something racist? Did your sentence start out “I don’t want to sound racist, but…”

Q. I don’t want to sound racist, but…

Thought: If you don’t want to “sound” racist, don’t be racist! Or try your best not to be. If you don’t want a lie to sound like a lie, don’t lie!

Food, n. – I promise this is about food.

Peter and the Straw, n. – A restaurant from the storied annals of Hipsterdom, the head chef Peter Wilson is “in the know” in the narrow sense of knowing what will be popular, catchy, and hip to a certain crowd. The man that grills sausage, ribs, hamburgers, and oysters and sells them has customers too. Is he “in the know”? Ok, off the high confusing horse and onto the soap box, which is lower than the horse, but hey we have to stand on something.

They make homey favorites like hot dogs, hamburgers, grilled cheese, with interesting spins, though they’re often the kind that make you queasy, like a swing set from your elementary school when you go back there as an adult. Doritos feature prominently in dishes, as does ketchup, and American cheese. Yes, Peter can cook, but he’s often stuffing your mouth with straw. Where’s the wolf when you need him?

We’re not sure, but this might be a parody restaurant. Maybe they took note of New Orleans’ best restaurant in America, Turkey and the Wolf and were trying to replicate it or make fun of it, we’re not sure. Peter and the Straw is in Birmingham, Alabama, so far enough from New Orleans not to poke its predecessor in the eye, but close enough to still make funny faces. We’ll see if the joke survives. Is Chef Peter a hipster? He calls himself a redneck. Let’s just say he “has a lot of tattoos”, a mustache (no beard), and says I love you to strangers. He has a lot of Carebears memorabilia too (hence the photo).

We’re going to go out on a limb here and call this “Concept Food”, this as opposed to “Realist Food”. The analogy is art. Conceptual art is and has been in its heyday since the, what, 1940s at least? Realism has been out (or outré) off and on till the present day, but if you survey Americans, most prefer realism. When they teach you art in school, they’re trying to get you to draw things “as they appear”, “objectively”, and without “spin”. That’s troubling for many reasons, because emotion and subjectivity are actively discouraged, but then the opposite problem occurs in Contemporary Art. Realism is discouraged, so that you’re left looking at colored squares or someone painting a white canvas white. The “concepts” are interesting and the abstraction and theory and all that, but is it beautiful? Is it emotional? Is it moving, recognizable, identifiable as something more than a trick or innovation?

All of this applies to food. There’s realist cuisine that tastes good, feels good to eat, and is somewhat recognizable. And then there are mere concepts on a plate that fail to register as food. Perhaps these dishes are folk art. But who wants to eat Doritos at a restaurant anyway? (Dishes $5 to $55.)

-F/S

P.S. They use those cardboard straws in their “Margs On Tap” that get soggy very quickly so I’d bring plastic ones if that bothers you.